confidence crash

this all smacks of trying to
hard
vanity posing
smoking empty cigarettes for bizarre comfort
nothing has changed
just more full of myself
depressingly
so
i like the idea of people looking at me thinking
“i bet that guy probably has a good story to tell”
truth is
i’m not that interesting
and
they probably don’t think that
fooling yourself is easy to do but hard to maintain
heavy
near constantly these past weeks
mind is a car and i’m falling asleep at the wheel
too many open
windows
grey blue is creeping back into the world
covering
my home
placid at nine
a wall of sound building behind at noon
sandbag by four
what has to be shed to be free
blythe
to be understood not heard
heart
laughs hard
to be beautiful and cool
invisible connective
tissue
get over yourself
how
the world needs to pause for a
day

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